I've had this "relationship" with an emotionally unavailable man for about 9 months now. It came to an end when he deleted me as his facebook friend after a misunderstanding. I say "relationship" very lightly, because in reality relationships take two, and in reality, I was the one doing all the giving. Now that things are ended, I am able to look back with perspective.
I think I choose these types of broken men, to be in relationships with because: 1) I think I am going to be that ONE person that helps them, that brings them up from the pit, that "saves" them 2) For so long I think I have thought I have been undeserving of someone good.
I think the type of men I have gone after has been completely wrong. I have had a distorted sense of the guy that has been best for me. I choose these guys that are very smooth with their words, mysterious, unpredictable, sensitive, almost poetic. But in reality these guys turn out to be unpredictable, undependable, unreliable, aloof, and ultimately not there for me when I need them. This isn't what I want.
Ultimately I want a guy who is ready now,who is living his life now and who is pursuing relationships with others, including me. I want a guy who is ready for what life has to offer him and does not run away from it. I want a guy who appreciates me for all that I am, and follows through with his actions and not just his words. I will do for the same for Him.
I have learned the lesson this time, after all those times. I feel wounded deeply. But ultimately I feel really protected, like God is whispering to me, "No, this is not what I have for you,I have something better." For this, I am deeply grateful.